TOILET OF TERROR!

On my hike down memory lane, I stumbled across this gem……….

Toilet of Terror!

Thinking back to my early life and all my happy memories, there are sprinkled among them, some not so wonderful times too. Like having to use a ’Long drop’ toilet.

Those horrible, hell-holes filled me with fear and revulsion. No matter how much ash or lime we poured down their gaping maws, they still stank. Also, to my mind, horrible horrors hid just under the wooden seat.

The outhouse was a simple brick construction built around a very deep hole, with a crude brick and wood seat over the crater. The roof made of corrugated iron rattled in the wind. When it rained the drops hammered down fon the metal creating a deafening din.

Using them was an interesting experience.

My dad was managing a farm for a large corporation that had properties all over the country. On one occasion the big boss was visiting and had need of the facility. While he was engaged in his business, my father spotted a chicken hawk hovering over his fowls.

He grabbed his .22 rifle and took aim. Being a first-rate shot he hit his target and the killer bird plummeted earthwards.

Unfortunately, its body slammed into the roof of the privy with a resounding sonic boom.

The big boss dived out of the toilet, trousers around his feet, his face white as snow. Confused and terror-stricken, he was quite sure his day had come.

Dad did apologize, between guffaws and giggles from all around.

Fortunately, he was in the right place to sh*t himself.

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